She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
