Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
