So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
