Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why do cheetos always look like penises
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I will be naked everywhere
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
