Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
