just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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