i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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