a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize