This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
