i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
