Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
