I wish life had little blips of pornography
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
