What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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