um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
