the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
