four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
