I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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