somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
