I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
