I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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