You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I deserve this hangover.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
