just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
