I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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