Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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