party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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