I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
