I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
