There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize