just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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