how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
