I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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