jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
