You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
