i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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