I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
