pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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