I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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