I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
