Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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