I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
