Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
