i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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