I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
