There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize