He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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