I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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