my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
