My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
