The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My ass is underappreciated
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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