im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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