I want to have your abortion
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
