Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
