I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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