thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She announced her abortion via fbk
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
