I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
did you just send me my own nude
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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