i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize