Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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