The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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