Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
