Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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