The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
