I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
