i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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