funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
