what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
