At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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