He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
