Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My liver just had a heart attack.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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