Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
