sarcasm needs its own font
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
