pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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