Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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