My friends, they love my intelligence
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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