how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
