I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
