Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize