You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
