Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
