take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
even my farts smell like vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
