I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize