Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
