I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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