Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
