I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
