broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
