it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
