Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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