Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
