Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
