I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
