And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
