so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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