i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it because I queefed?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize