based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
