but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
