to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dear god my vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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