he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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