He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
