Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
