oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
