you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
