I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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